Visits
by literaturehead3
Summary: A different take on what happens after Reset. HG/Myka


**Just a slight disclaimer is that I wrote this pretty quickly and didn't bother to edit, so pardon for the mistakes.**

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><p>There isn't any windows. Only a small what I've heard to as being a florescent light on the ceiling. I don't know if it is day or night. I sleep when it is off. I'm in hell when it is on. I just sit. I don't know what to do anymore. My purpose as been wiped out. The one thing keeping me semi stable is gone and the chaos after my actions is still being dealt with. I don't know what they will do to me. Maybe put me back into the bronzer. I deserve it this time. I'm so sorry for what I've done. I should not, can not be forgiven. But all they do is let me sit here and think. A single door, not even locked, I checked it twice, but I cannot bring myself to walk outside of it unless I absolutely need to. The only place I can actually get to being a bathroom. Sometimes when I wake up there is food and I usually have enough to last for the rest of the day. I'm not hungry, I'm not tired. I just am broken. I don't feel anything anymore. I betrayed the last person in the world to ever believe me. My Myka. Though she as never really mine now was she? She might have been, I know I was making progress. The looks, the conversations, just everything was perfect, but I ruined it out of fear and pain that I couldn't communicate. I'm stuck in this middle ground between anything and nothing now. Only my thoughts to keep me occupied. Only this time I can move, I can feel, I can cry. So I sit and wait for the Regents to make the first move, I no longer have any power.<p>

One day the door opens when I'm awake. I look up, ready to accept the punishment I deserve to only look into the face of my salvation. There she is. Standing there, an incredulous look on her face and I can see the pain, the distrust, the anger, and something else flash across her so beautiful face. I don't say anything, how could I? I just look away, at the blank wall, anything to shield myself from having to see the sorrow I've caused her. I can hear her breathing still. I can't block it out. I can hear her draw a ragged breath as if to speak, but no words come. Nothing. Then I hear her try again. "Why?" And that question breaks my heart, something I thought long impossible to do, yet another time. Without warning a tear slips from my eye and then another. I try to stop and answer her, but when I take a breath to speak it comes as a gasp and then I'm crying and sobbing, my emotions spiraling out of my control. I try to get away, to stop her from seeing me like this, by curling up on the cot. I don't realize that she has come near me until I feel her hand on my back, tentatively at first then with a forced confidence, rubbing small circles on my back till the sobs become deep breaths and the deep breaths relax me till I fall asleep, completely spent. When I wake up she is gone and the light merely mocks me with its light. My own having left me.

Her visits become almost regular. We don't speak much, as I still cannot face her with the truth yet, but the visits are enough. Enough to give me hope I can be saved, that I can be forgiven. On the third time she comes I stand to greet her, my voice cracking from lack of use and she just smiles, telling me that it is god to hear me speak. I vow then to be able to speak at greater lengths next time and the smile falters for a second, just enough I see it. They give me pens and paper after she leaves that day and I put them to good use, writing down almost every thought I've had bubbled in my brain for so long. I write down all the pain and sorrow I carried around and I write down the answer to the question Myka first asked me, why I did what I did. This goes on until I've run out of paper and then I start to exercise, realizing that staying in one place is extremely unhealthy. I move until I reach my limit and then I crawl into the cot and wait for the light to turn out so I can sleep. When I wake up the papers are gone and there are new pieces waiting for me, a small desk placed near the wall which was at first blank.

On her fourth visit she doesn't seem to be as upset as the first three, like she is almost happy to see me. I can almost see what I first saw in her eyes when we had our first conversation without anyone else around. I can almost see what I thought was love in her eyes and in a wave of understanding I know why she keeps coming back. She never got closer. She was not asking why I did what I did, but why she still cared for me. I kept the conversation light, discussing their most recent case and I gave a few pointers to what it might be. Eventually she makes a motion to leave and I grab her arm, the first contact we've had since the first day, and she looks at me with those eyes and I see that I've been forgiven, not by anyone else, but her, that's all that matters. I tell her then what I meant to tell her before I lost my way. I tell her how much I love her and when her eyes well up I wipe away the tears and she kisses me. At the moment I am reborn, I become alive again, my tether to the earth is now completely secure and I make my mind up to never lose it again. She leaves, reluctantly, promising to come again and my heart sings with joy.

On her fifth visit she is not alone. There is a man with her, that same man who decided I could be re-instated and her look of fear tells me that my time has come. I bow my head to accept the verdict and I'm surprised when he says I can go. Not free, but I can leave this cell at the least. I'm to go back to the Warehouse and the bed and breakfast. Not as an agent, but, as he put it, as a civilian consult. He insists that I will be under constant surveillance and that I'm not to leave the state unless the Regents decide otherwise. With this he leaves and Myka throw her arms around me. A sense of being home envelops me and I sigh with relief. Myka takes my hand and together, we walk out the door.


End file.
